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Halloween Jokes

27 jokes

Halloween jokes work because the imagery does half the setup for you. Everyone already knows what a ghost, a vampire and a skeleton are supposed to be like, so the punchline only has to break one expectation.

This page stays on the silly side of spooky. Nothing here will keep a child awake, which makes it safe for classrooms, party invitations and door-to-door small talk.

🇬🇧 EN#hw1

Why did the ghost quit the choir?

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🇬🇧 EN#dk1

My grandfather has the heart of a lion

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🇬🇧 EN#o1

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

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🇬🇧 EN#hw2

I asked a vampire for the time.

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🇬🇧 EN#dk2

I told my therapist about my fear of the dark.

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🇬🇧 EN#o2

I'm terrified of elevators.

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🇬🇧 EN#hw3

What is a skeleton's least favourite room?

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🇩🇰 DA#dk3

Min hund kan ikke lide, når jeg spiller skak.

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🇬🇧 EN#o3

Parallel lines have so much in common.

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🇬🇧 EN#hw4

My costume this year is 'well-rested adult'.

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🇬🇧 EN#dk4

I finally realized why I never win at hide and seek.

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🇩🇰 DA#o4

Jeg har en fobi for hastighedsbump.

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🇬🇧 EN#hw5

Why don't witches carpool?

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🇬🇧 EN#dk5

I have an inferiority complex,

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🇬🇧 EN#o5

I have a joke about chemistry,

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Frequently asked questions

Are these jokes scary?
No. They use Halloween imagery for wordplay only — the humour comes from the pun, not from anything frightening.
Where can I find darker material?
The dark humour section is kept separate on purpose, so nobody arrives there by accident while looking for pumpkin puns.