Skip to content

Christmas Jokes

35 jokes

Christmas humour has one job: survive being read aloud to a room that is already full, already warm and already halfway through dessert. Nothing here needs a build-up, and nothing needs explaining twice.

Use them in crackers, in a speech, in the family group chat on the morning of the 24th, or as a peace offering when the present you bought turns out to be the wrong size.

🇬🇧 EN#xm1

Why does Santa keep a notepad in the sleigh?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#d1

Why don't skeletons fight each other?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#k1

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#xm2

My family said the tree looked crooked.

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#d2

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#k2

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#xm3

What do you call a snowman with a full calendar?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#d3

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#k3

What did one wall say to the other?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#xm4

I wrapped the presents with my eyes closed.

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#d4

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇩🇰 DA#k4

Hvad sagde tomaten til den anden tomat?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇬🇧 EN#xm5

Why did the gingerbread man stay home?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇩🇰 DA#d5

Hvorfor tog kyllingen over vejen?

Share:𝕏f💬
🇩🇰 DA#k5

Hvad kalder man en snemand om sommeren?

Share:𝕏f💬

15 / 35

Frequently asked questions

Are these Christmas jokes suitable for children?
Yes. Every line on this page is clean and built on wordplay, so it works at a table with grandparents and small children at the same time.
Can I print these for Christmas crackers?
Go ahead. Personal, family and classroom use is welcome — a link back is appreciated but never required.