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Birthday Jokes

32 jokes

A birthday joke has to fit inside a card, land in a speech and survive being read by the person it is about. That rules out most of the internet and leaves the short, warm ones.

Everything below is written to be affectionate first and funny second, which is the correct order when the audience is holding a knife over a cake.

🇬🇧 EN#bd1

I asked for one candle per year.

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🇬🇧 EN#o1

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

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🇬🇧 EN#d1

Why don't skeletons fight each other?

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🇬🇧 EN#bd2

Why are birthday cakes so confident?

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🇬🇧 EN#o2

I'm terrified of elevators.

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🇬🇧 EN#d2

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.

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🇬🇧 EN#bd3

My friend forgot my birthday.

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🇬🇧 EN#o3

Parallel lines have so much in common.

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🇬🇧 EN#d3

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

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🇬🇧 EN#bd4

What is the best gift for someone who has everything?

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🇩🇰 DA#o4

Jeg har en fobi for hastighedsbump.

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🇬🇧 EN#d4

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

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🇩🇰 DA#bd5

Hvorfor er fødselsdagslagkager altid enige?

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🇬🇧 EN#o5

I have a joke about chemistry,

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🇩🇰 DA#d5

Hvorfor tog kyllingen over vejen?

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Frequently asked questions

Can I use these in a birthday card?
Yes, freely. They are written short specifically so they fit on a card without shrinking the handwriting.
Are there jokes about turning 30, 40 or 50?
The lines here work at any age on purpose, so the same joke fits an eight year old and an eighty year old with no editing.